Hello, you out there. It’s Beth.
Thank you, thank you,
for being here, for hanging out at this little tarot shop, for trusting me…
Whoosh. It’s the end of an era, as I have handed Little Red Tarot over to its new owners, Elena and Kaan. And now I have the very surreal task of saying goodbye.
I just pulled ‘Rebirth’ (Judgement), from Thea’s Tarot. You do the math.
Where to even begin? With myself, I think. My life is unrecognisable from just one year ago. I’m grieving the loss of a home, a community, a landscape, a garden, a worked-for future career, and very deeply grieving the ending of a nearly thirteen-year partnership with my soulmate.
And this! My role as the host of this space, the curator of this shop, the vendor of some really, really special spiritual creations from creators I deeply admire – not to mention Little Red Tarot’s past history as a bustling and diverse community blog (the heyday, in my opinion). My inbox has been the site of so many lovely connections for well over a decade – I can’t quite compute that Little Red Tarot is no longer… mine. She has flown. I don’t want to get all “my baby” on you guys but… Yeah. I poured heart and soul into this space and it was an utter, utter joy and a big expression of my creativity and of who I was in my late 20s and 30s. And the past few years I’ve been retreating, to make space to become other things, and for the big, big change that is upon me now. It’s time to let go.
I had no idea how to run a business, a blog, a shop when this began in 2011. The space unfolded and I slowly found a role and a livelihood for myself, experimenting and I learned as I went, with a lot of support.
You lot have been with me from my 20s to my 40s. You’ve seen me from Todmorden, to Manchester, to Skye, to Machynlleth and finally back to Tod again. You guys saw me through a depressive episode on the Isle of Skye, LRT saw you through the first Trump inauguration (I remember how we all read cards for each other). You supported me when I launched a shop, a course, a book. You toasted my civil partnership, mourned the loss of our dog. Too many moments to recount. A folder in my inbox heaves with letters from folks who have been touched by Little Red Tarot, my sent folder is similarly full of words of appreciation to the magical folks who’ve touched me via this space. There has been so much love here.
This has been a space of light and also shadow. I have met my workaholic here, become intimate with her, and over time, challenged and unlearned some of that addiction. I have lost myself and re-emerged over and over. I have made myself ill here – but I have also made myself well again with LRT’s support, and I have learned so much, about my needs, my boundaries, about what it is to be a person with a platform in this wild age. How I want to be in this world, what I want to model, what I want to grow, what is my soul’s work.
This business held me as I over-gave for many years, then again when I re-shaped it to give me more space and time to listen to my body and rediscover my soul. It is holding me now as I depart for pastures new and transition into midlife. It has been generous and it has been forgiving, at times it has been stern and challenging. I’m grateful for every moment of it.
Massive thank yous <3 <3 <3
I am so, so grateful to everyone who wrote for the site. A particular shout out to the very first writers, Cassandra Snow, Asali, Andi Grace and Siobhan Rene, and to the blog’s incredible editor, Tango Batelli. We made something really special together and I was honoured to host it. I am grateful to everyone who participated in that era of LRT, you guys out there, the lively comments sections, the replies to my newsletters, the cross-pollinations that happened via this colourful little tarot-fuelled space.
Thank you to Autostraddle for having me write a column when I was a bright eyed tarot enthusiast and not a great writer – that column helped me bring LRT to a wider audience and reach ‘my people’. Thank you TABI, where I first trained in reading for others and provided free readings for a number of years before having the confidence to sell readings here.
Massive love and thank you to Hele, who hopped on board in 2017 and served you gorgeous people for years as shop assistant (I love you, friend) and who was a light-touch mentor to me from within that role. And to Toby, who was by my side throughout it all, providing support at every step of LRT’s growth, the sounding board and cheerleader of so many decisions.
Thank you Emily, Jammy and Wolfie the cats, and Billie and Dora the dogs, it is always good to have playful and present allies alongside.
I am so, so happy that it’s Elena and Kaan, two artists, faciliators and activists, who have taken this on. Elena and I were co-conspirators for years – “I am an amazing artist!” was our defiant refrain against a shared imposter syndrome. And Kaan, poet, drag performer, all round queer dreamboat of love. Two very, very special people who are going to do excellent things with Little Red Tarot and who have the excitement and energy this space needs to flourish and grow again. Hurray :)
I’ll be hanging out here in Todmorden, my spiritual home, for the forseeable, rebuilding my life with Dora the dog and the many tools and skills I’ve picked up along the way. It turns out they work. I’m feeling shaky but strong, my heart in tatters, and that somehow feels good.
If you want to follow my future shenanigans… they will involve breath, dance, art and herbs in some special way that has yet to be cooked up but is starting to take shape… (just need to find a way to fit dogs in and we’re there ;)
Goodbye you gorgeous people. Go well. Signing off for the last time with a reminder that you are enough, you are perfect, just as you are. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for bein’ around.
Beth x