Opening up, Zodiac-style: Is your Venus polyamorous?
For queers, the trickiest part of figuring out how to be in romantic relationships can be defining where the boundaries lie.
Astrology reminds us that different parts of our personality have their own, sometimes exclusive, agendas. The heart (Venus) wants what it wants, but the brain (Mercury) does too, and so does your pride (Sun), and your completely bonkers turn-ons (Mars). You might believe that monogamy is a patriarchal institution designed to reinforce heteronormative compliance, but bawl your eyes out every time your sweetie says some other girl is cute. You might crave a steady, deep, soulmate love, but fill your calendar with casual hookups every time shit gets real.
Which planet wins this wrestling match? Your birth chart* is as complex and contradictory as you are. An experienced, open-minded astrologer can often tell you what relationship structure would make you happiest, but even then, there are lots of positive ways one person’s love life can play out.**
Your Venus, planet of love and relationships, can’t give a yes or no answer, but if you are poly or want to be, or have a partner who wants you to be, Venus’s sign can help fill in some of the blanks about how to make it work. Look up your Venus and check the list below.
*Birth chart = picture of all the planets at the moment you were born. **Aspects from Uranus to Venus or Mars describe a need for independence in relationships. These can be a big clue that you’d be happiest in open relationship.
Venus in Aries
Open Relationship Style: You love who you want when you want to, especially love the early stages of relationship and can go from one person to the next pretty fast. Your libido calls the shots.
Making It Work: Make your partners’ needs as important as your own and be willing to compromise. Be honest even when the truth might prevent you from getting what you want.
Poly Comfort Level: 65%
Venus in Taurus
Open Relationship Style: You like to take it slow and sensual. Your best lovers are often loyal friends first. You know where your boundaries are which makes it easy to keep things from getting too intense.
Making It Work: Leading people on is hurtful, to them and yourself. Get comfortable with break-ups and endings. Saying goodbye ultimately gives you a stronger sense of internal grounding and clears out people who push too hard.
Poly Comfort Level: 80%
Venus in Gemini
Open Relationship Style: Multiple partners/lovers rules! It means you never get bored and there’s always someone to get all sexy texty or talk with. Sex comes second to fun conversation anyhow.
Making It Work: Honesty is the best policy, baybay. If you want to keep secrets, make sure that’s agreed upon by all parties, otherwise it’s gonna blow up in your face. Save your best QT for the one(s) who touch your heart.
Poly Comfort Level: 100%
Venus in Cancer
Open Relationship Style: Moody, cuddly with a lot of oops!-I-guess-we’re-making-out-now! hookups. You bond close with your boo, but your boundaries change depending on how safe you feel. Primary partnership with casual outside sex is your jam.
Making It Work: Don’t punish your lover(s) over behavior you agreed to. Setting a million weird little rules is a red flag this might not be working. You’ll feel strongest by mothering yourself and processing only when you’re through the storm.
Poly Comfort Level: 20%
Venus in Leo
Open Relationship Style: Romantic and totally focused on your one and only. Polyamory lacks the flair that love should be all about. If you’re non-monogamous, it’s all about the separation of sex and heart.
Making It Work: Avoid chaser-chasee games by drawing a line in the sand—and getting over your heroic notions about suffering for love. You know what you want. Stand by it.
Poly Comfort Level: 20%
Venus in Virgo
Open Relationship Style: Quietly sensual with lots of routines to keep your love life organized. You compartmentalize your various relationships which makes it easier to be present with each person.
Making It Work: Your guilty streak makes it easy for your partners to manipulate you into violating your agreements or giving up what you want. Use your detail-awareness to detect patterns, your analytical skills to draw conclusions and then determine whether the problem is worth fixing.
Poly Comfort Level: 60%
Venus in Libra
Open Relationship Style: Whoever you’re with, you’re 100% with—so long as you’re with them. You’re most naturally a serial monogamist, but can move fluidly between partners, always focused on treating the one you’re with kindly and fairly. Equal distribution of time is important to you. If you get serious about someone, you may jump ship on the others though.
Making It Work: Be clear about what’s appropriate for you to compromise on. Check in with your feelings regularly to make sure that what seems fair is also good for your heart.
Poly Comfort Level: 20%
Venus in Scorpio
Open Relationship Style: You are super fucking intense and NEED to be matched. When quality is unavailable, quantity will suffice. Your relationships and hookups break your own taboos; rules and boundaries exist to be overturned. On the other hand, forcing yourself to follow rules you hate can be extremely compelling.
Making It Work: Boundaries are not fluid for everyone and your partners may not be able to withstand as much change as you can. If you find yourself pushing peoples’ buttons (subtly, indirectly), it’s because you’re trying to feel in control. Instead, run headlong into your fear of intimacy. Strip your soul naked.
Poly Comfort Level: Either 0% or 100%, because Scorpio.
Venus in Sagittarius
Open Relationship Style: Head-over-heels and an ocean away. You fall in love hard and frequently. You are totally there except when you’re totally somewhere else. You do best with a boygirl in every port – i.e. using geography to help you draw boundaries.
Making It Work: There’s a limited amount of time in a day, and in a lifetime. Dream big but use past disappointments to keep you down-to-earth about how many commitments you can juggle.
Poly Comfort Level: 15%
Venus in Capricorn
Open Relationship Style: Cool-headed with clear boundaries, hierarchies and communication. You like the language of “primary partner” because it reflects what’s being prioritized. You are clear with lovers about what you can do and can’t. You carefully select people who can show up for that. The ideal poly situation is one with a straightforward, predictable structure.
Making It Work: You are willing to go without, but what about enjoying what you have? Prioritize your own pleasure, give kisses and make time for your sweeties’ feelings. The more love you give to everyone, the happier the arrangement will be.
Poly Comfort Level: 50%.
Venus in Aquarius
Open Relationship Style: Casual, low-commitment, friendly. Open relationships and polyamory are a natural fit, because you love the sense of community they create. Even if don’t feel like sleeping with anyone besides your main squeeze, you still want to know you could and that no one would be upset about it.
Making It Work: You aren’t as flexible as you might like to think! Pay attention to what you want in love rather than going along with (or rebelling against) the crowd.
Poly Comfort Level: 90%
Venus in Pisces
Open Relationship Style: Your love has no boundaries, and you want to be with people who radiate an equally gentle light. You can settle into any structure where kindness is front and center, which makes you a natural for group marriages and large chosen families.
Making It Work: You can easily move from making extreme sacrifices to feeling victimized, even when you knew what you were getting into. Save yourself from injury by backing off from situations that could produce secrets and lies. Hint: writing down a list of what you’re not okay with will help.
Poly Comfort Level: 50%
To find out more about your love style and to get tips on how to woo one cutie for each sign of the zodiac, visit Seagoat Astrology!
Tarot card shown at the top of this post is from the Dreaming Way Tarot.