I’m in that weird limbo period between one ‘life’ and another. Manchester is almost all packed up, goodbyes are being said, family visited, a year-old build-up of stuff de-cluttered and passed on. Our boat is all-but sold and we’re putting the finishing touches to bathrooms and paintwork and windows… And Skye is just around the corner, beckoning, un-planned, filled with opportunities and excitement. We leave in a week.
It’s hard to know what to make of Right Now.
Except, of course, feeling ‘much too busy’. Which is a state of mind I’m kinda prone to getting myself into, even when it’s completely unnecessary.
In recent weeks for obvious reasons, I have been busy. In that overcommitted, how-am-I-going-to-get-this-all-done, waking-in-the-night kind of way that I’ll normally go to great lengths to avoid. Tasks have piled up, promises made that I don’t think I can keep, and there’s this huge big life change at the end of it all like some kind of deadline, and at times it’s all just felt kinda too much. Like I can’t enjoy the moment, these preparations for leaving, because of this fog of ‘too busy’ that’s clouding up my brain and making everything seem stressful.
So I did what any normal person would do and picked up a deck of tarot cards, took a few really deep breaths, shuffled and drew.
From the Wild Unknown Tarot
Seven of Pentacles, The Lovers.
And like that, I felt de-stressed, and like I knew, once more, what to make of the present moment.
For me, the Seven of Pentacles is often about pressing pause. Taking a moment to step back and actually see what’s going on. A conscious change of direction, made because it feels right, made because of the evidence available. It’s easy to get stuck into the tasks and to-dos of daily life or to plod along with a project without lifting your head to see how it’s all going, but the Seven of Pentacles is often a reminder to do just that. It’s okay to step back, to check in, to notice and tweak.
And the Lovers? That feeling of wholeness, of answering your own call, of partnering with and committing to what your soul is longing for? Because really, that’s what this is all about. Em and I and this move to Skye, this upheaval, all of these to-dos on our list right now …it’s not actually about being ridiculously busy, it’s about following our hearts to where they want to go next. Letting our shared journey unfold. Not dividing these weeks up into before, limbo, and after, but being in that flow.
I remember my new-year’s resolution. To listen to my inner voice, to live the life I know – because I feel – is right for me. That resolution doesn’t set out a specific location, there’s no specific design for that life or what it looks like. The resolution is about listening deep, because I always (we all, always) knows when we’re doing what’s right for ourselves, and when we’re not.
This too-busy mindset doesn’t feel good. And at the same time, it’s not actually real. I realise when I step back like this that too-busy is a story I often tell myself…and I’m not quite sure why.
Yes, I have plenty to do. But the sun is shining and everything is fine. There is time to sand and paint. Time to pack boxes, slowly, thoughtfully, handling my few possessions with love. There is time to stand on the deck and chat with friends and neighbours, cups of tea steaming in the cold morning sun. Time for a bag of fish and chips. Time for a walk. Time to catch Emma’s eye, and grin, and run over to her for an excited hug and a kiss. There’s time for all of it, and I’m grateful to these cards for that simple reminder.