The Moon is for lovers: Living with your lunar self

This is Part II of a 3-part series on the moon in relationships. Part I explored why the moon is the most important relationship planet. Part III will be a deep dive into each moon sign’s intimacy styles, what you need from your loved ones, and what they need more of from you.


For quick insight into your love life, skip Venus and head straight to the Moon.

As I wrote last month, the Moon – planet of personal needs, nurturing/nesting style, and your inner child – determines how you behave in your closest relationships.

You may have noticed how drastically behavior changes when you start shacking up with a sweetie (or co-habitating with a bestie). The day you leave your back-up toothbrush at her place, edges begin to blur. You throw a random temper tantrum, or she does. The fashion trends shift from sexy leopard cut-offs and high-heeled boots to PJs and bedhead. You cuddle more and reveal more and become both more familiar and more inscrutable to each other.

These are the signs that you’re moving in together – into Moon-dominant mode, that is.

For some people, this phase is the epitome of comfort. Cancers, whose ruling planet is the Moon, tend to especially gravitate toward the cozying-up security of co-habitation. Gravitating toward something doesn’t mean it’s easy, though. Even for lunar-led types who dread having to be ‘on’, moving to the Moon with another person dredges up mommy issues and infantile behaviors most of us would rather avoid. The more difficulty you have with your moon (aka feelings) in general, the more likely this stage will make you freak.

Intimacy issues are actually a big, blinking red light that you need to pause and look at your Moon.

Typical manifestations of Moon issues in a new co-living set-up:

  • Moodiness, esp. hot and cold. (“Get away from me! Wait, that’s too far!”)
  • Clinginess (“What are you doing?” “How about now?” “And now?”)
  • Deciding the relationship doesn’t work anymore – after like 25 minutes – and your explanation for why sounds suspiciously rational.
  • Going cold. Not feeling close to the other person.
  • Feeling like your sweetie is turning into your parent or your sibling.
  • Being cute together 100% of the time and sexy 0% of the time.
  • Stopping pursuit of your own goals. Feeling threatened by your sweetie’s pursuit of theirs.

Because the Moon expresses our child-selves, it’s easy to feel helpless when these issues come up. We feel too comfortable  or too small to control ourselves and the result is passivity. Our relationships can become stifling and come apart without us understanding what we could have done to change things.

Bad lunar-relationship hangovers can keep us running from love, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

A healthy relationship (therapists and besties count) is one of the most effective places for healing your inner child and learning how to handle your feelings. As the real moon waxes and wanes, your astrological moon is always open to change – it just needs some conscious guidance.

Below is a cheat sheet to your best and worst relationship selves. Check back in January for tips on how to integrate those best and worst selves into a healthy whole.

[Find your Moon sign here.]

Aries Moon
Best:
The first to say, “I love you”, emotional dare-devil.
Worst: Self-centered do-it-alone-r.

Taurus Moon
Best: Loyal and sensual queen.
Worst: Selfish and possessive queen.

Gemini Moon
Best: A chill, play-making machine.
Worst: Nonstop, anxious chatterbox.

Cancer Moon
Best: Sweet and vulnerable mama-bear.
Worst: Manipulative nightmare.

Leo Moon
Best: Big-hearted magic-maker.
Worst: Sucks up all the emotional space.

Virgo Moon
Best: Smart and gentle healer.
Worst: Nitpicking martyr.

Libra Moon
Best: Kind and even-keeled partner-in-pleasure.
Worst: Codependent manipulator.

Scorpio Moon
Best: Deep, real, and all-in for a journey through shadows and fire.
Worst: Paranoid withholder of intimacy.

Sagittarius Moon
Best: The MacGyver of fun.
Worst: World-promising ghost-er.

Capricorn Moon
Best: As genuine as it gets, as committed as it gets, as deep as it gets.
Worst: Harsh on everyone, including self.

Aquarius Moon
Best: Brilliant in-house psychoanalyst.
Worst: Armchair partner, viewing relationship from the sidelines.

Pisces Moon
Best: Uncanny empath, bonding from the soul, accepting the other warts & all.
Worst: Selective-rememberer who refuses to be held accountable.

Images by Migueltzinta Solis.


This is Part II of a 3-part series on the moon in relationships. Part I explored why the moon is the most important relationship planet. Part III will be a deep dive into each moon sign’s intimacy styles, what you need from your loved ones, and what they need more of from you. For off-site astro-fun, visit me at seagoatastrology.com.

8 comments

  1. Rowan says:

    I’ve been loving this series! I want to ask though, how might these changes manifest differently (or not!) if your Moon and Sun are the same sign?

    • Luke Dani Blue
      Luke Dani Blue says:

      Rowan, thank you! I’d love to hear what *you* think, based on your experience, as you’re a living expert in having your Sun and Moon in the same sign.

      Like most things in astrology, it depends a lot on your chart as a whole. If you’re a new moon baby (Sun and Moon conjunct), there might be very little difference in how you are dating v. shacking up, because you naturally express your Moon all the time, especially when you want someone to like you. If your Sun and Moon are far enough apart to be picking up separate aspects or inhabit different “houses” (the latter is pretty easy to look up online and fun to explore), then you might find the shift almost as pronounced as anyone else would, and would likely express different sides of the sign depending on how close you are to someone.

  2. Beth
    Beth says:

    LOVING my Capricorn moon:

    Best: As genuine as it gets, as committed as it gets, as deep as it gets. Worst: Harsh on everyone, including self.

    I always feel like as an Aquarius sun it’s weird that I’m so into the idea of loving just one person very intensely for ever, but my Cap moon totally gets it :)

    Also I always feel like Aquarius and Capricorn are having a huge battle. Like, I love cohabitation but need Emma to go away a lot so I get tons of space, but then come back so we can play happy house, but then go away…. (which, lucky for both of us, is the arrangement we have!)

    • Luke Dani Blue
      Luke Dani Blue says:

      Cap Sun, Aqua rising here–i feel you. My erratic rising sign reactions embarrass the hell out of me once i have a second to think about how they reflect on me. The lucky (or maybe unlucky) thing about an Aqua/Cap combo is that they’re both Saturn ruled, so you get a double-dose of super rational ness. Though i find the Cap moon to be incredibly emotionally intense which is def at odds with the Aqua M.O.

  3. angharadlois says:

    This column is making sooo much sense to me & I cannot wait for the next installment.

    The first time my partner & I had a proper argument, he bought me a little card the next day to apologise and wrote ‘sometimes our moons collide’ on the back. In this case I’m not sure whether it was both our moons so much as my sun-in-Aries temper crashing up against his moon-in-Scorpio spiky shell. But my Piscean moon is definitely a strong influence, and one I’ve become more aware of this year, honouring my need to meditate and escape into fantasy worlds to recharge.

    Looking back over past relationships, a _LOT_ of my partners have had Scorpio moons. And that dynamic between total boundary-melting acceptance / intense passionate connection can be pretty electric. But it does take work to keep that dynamic healthy, and the slide towards evasive unreliability / prickly accusatory defensiveness can be hard to avoid.

    • Luke Dani Blue
      Luke Dani Blue says:

      Thanks for sharing this! and, wow, sooo watery! I can only imagine the ups and downs–but also the, like, emotional ecstasy. That “slide toward” worst selves you describe is a pretty perfect articulation of the difficulty of officially “easy” trines (the aspect formed between planets in different signs of the same element). There’s such an instant comfort between two water signs–and so much constant movement, reception and reaction–that you do really have to draw on other parts of your charts to keep from skidding downhill on the path of least resistance. (Pisces loves to give in and Scorpio loves to make things terrible, basically those two Moons in isolation are Calvin and Hobbes on a sled.)

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