Tonight’s full moon is in Scorpio – the sign of all that is hidden in shadows, kept safe behind the veil, buried in the subconscious.
I rose early to watch the dawn (as these northern days lengthen at speed, this gets harder and harder), and pulled some tarot cards for a lunar check-in.
The spread was simple: 1. A card for me. 2. A card for the Rhu. 3. A card for me here, at the Rhu, in the centre.
The Eight of Swords showed me that I am still letting my mind and my fears get the better of me. I’ll confess, the last time I thought about escape routes was just a couple of days ago. This new life on southern Skye is beautiful, but the challenges are great. Some days I feel strong, defiant. Some days I feel relaxed, filled with faith that this is leading somewhere positive and truly fulfilling. Some days I despair. Some days I wonder if life is too short to work around the egos that dominate here. Some days I love those egos dearly.
There is layer upon layer of feeling inside me. On the very bottom line, there is a lot of faith, a lot of hope, the firm belief that Emma and I are in the right place and can do this, can build a life here, can feel the home we seek. Above this are alternating sheets of fear and then faith again, defensiveness, then openheartedness. The Eight of Swords digs deep, stabs me a little. The human mind is a tricksy old thing, we all fall prey to our insecurities and doubts once in a while. With the beautiful sunshine and the fact that this has been a truly good week, the first truly good week, I’d stopped noticing that I also feel fearful, doubtful and defensive. I don’t want to be reminded of this on such a beautiful, clear, bright morning, but there it is. I don’t feel completely safe, not yet, and it’s time to really work with that feeling.
The Sword Mother is the Rhu, this land, this place, this project. Wiser than me, older than me, has seen a shit-ton more than me. Has been through trials and challenges and changes far beyond what I’m feeling now, ridden them out and come out blossoming. The land is wise and the people here are wise. The Sword Mother humbles me and reminds me of my newness.
A card for me at the Rhu – Grace. Temperance in a standard tarot deck, this card is loving, gentle, reminds me of drawing Strength in this same position only very recently. A lot of love, a lot of care.
Grace in this deck involves the careful untangling of a long string of lights or flowers. The figure is clearly focused on the final end of the string, having worked through the mess. […]
Grace calls for self-control. Not through socially internalised suppression and compartmentalisation but through thoughtful and appropriate responses to all situations. It asks for compromise, harmony and moderation. Specifically, it suggests you bring together the divergent elements of your life and, using intuitive guidance, blend them together in a way that allows for harmony and healing.
Oliver Pickle, She Is Sitting in the Night: Revisoning Thea’s Tarot
Lastly, I pulled one final card, for advice around the Eight of Swords’ fearful mentality. The Three of Cups. Community. Friendship. Talking therapy. And I know that’s right. With every conversation with our friendly neighbours, I feel a little safer. There are folks here who have seen it all before, who understand, who have kind words to share. There’s refuge there, and strength.
Time and again my cards are bringing me back to a place of steadiness.
It’s only been a month. So much has been felt, thought, planned, pulled apart and stuck back together. These cards remind me that these are early, early days and my insecurities are to be expected. I look at my Eight of Swords and smile. It’s a stage to pass through, an understandable period of insecurity after a huge, impulsive life-change. Em and I sold our home and gave up our whole lives to move here, without a lot of information, with out anything solid to grab hold of at all, save the rocks and the trees. It’s okay to feel insecure, but it’s important not to let those feelings rule.
The bigger cards, the Sword Mother and Grace, speak of bigger things, bigger themes, and remind me that a journey like this takes longer than a month. The challenges I face here can be approached with love, temperance, willingness to compromise, willingness to listen. Once again, I’m asked to embrace these challenges, to put my own ego aside and to move forwards with respect for the wisdom that is already here.